Fingers – From time to time, even now and probably always.
Death – Despite the news about longevity and gene editing, it’s inevitable. I’m here for a period of time. I try to live accordingly.
Firsts – I love noticing a new ‘something’. I look for it in my everyday. Often I’ll call it a first out loud and it lights me up. For example, today, I’m in the bath and I notice a black spot on the enclosure behind me. It’s a spider. One of those compact jumping kind. They’re quick and it’s heading down the wall toward my head. I have a thing about spiders. It’s better than it used to be thanks to the people around me carrying them outside in their hands to rescue the leggy arachnids from me. So I didn’t scream when I saw this one. I talked to it and it stopped moving, for a second, and then came a little further down the walk. I tapped the shampoo bottle on the wall under it to try to get it to turn around. It did, until I stopped tapping. What I really wanted to do was finish bathing before the water got cold. I tapped a little again. Well, the darn thing jumped! Not onto me or anything but closer. Needless to say I also jumped out of the bath over to the tissue and flushed the spider. It’s not raining now. It’s snowing. That’s a first!
Kindness – Even when I’m feeling worn down, if I take a breath and choose to act out of kindness, more often than not, it comes back to me.
Taxes – They seem to always give back to me, now. I like that.
The Roof – Speaking of snow, a few years back we had a huge, deep snowfall, followed the next morning by very warm weather and torrential rain. We have a flat roof and it couldn’t handle the water that was up there. I remember waking up and saying to my husband…I hear a tap running. Rain and snow melt were running down the inside of walls everywhere! It was traumatizing to have the safety of my house suddenly taken away. I imagine this would be the same feeling of vulnerability people might feel after a fire or a home invasion. It was a pure pandimonium.
Birds – They are the messengers of a higher power. I’ve had western tanagers and ravens guide me in the right direction, and chickadees cheer me on. Their songs and mannerisms make me smile, and quiet the inner chatter that I don’t want to hear anyhow.
Change – It’s been a pretty intense not nearly finished lifetime. I remember thinking a half hour of Gilligan’s Island reruns in black and white was just awesome and a sixth channel, when it happened, was over the top. I remember life when I was little feeling black and white. I’m living in a technicolour world now and it’s absolutely amazing! The topics we are discussing and opening up about aren’t quiet or easy. They are loud, important worldwide issues and because of that, change is happening fast. Change is inevitable. How you view it is a choice.
Enough – I have never really experienced anything less than enough. Even that time in Europe when we were down to our last dollar and had to go a week on water, a little salt, a loaf of bread and a little olive oil, even then I knew more was coming at the end of the week. I feel so very lucky.
Mistakes – I used to hate them. Now, I don’t. Now they are just side-steps on the journey. The meaning I’d always given the word mistake: wrong, bad, or loss, stirred up old feelings of unworthiness in me and that helped no one, ever, but calling them sidesteps and noticing what they were in themselves has brought joy from new firsts, led me in new directions, and has helped me to love myself. Really, it’s all about the lessons isn’t it?